Mike Oldfield Tubular.net
This week NME is pleased to congratulate Mike Oldfield on an unbroken two-year residency in the NME album charts with "Tubular Bells." Unfortunately, every silver cloud has a dirty lining.
Some people would subscribe to a theory that the world is flat, other believe that everyone has a Doppelganger - an exact lookalike.
It would appear that Mike Oldfield is no exception. In his case, however, the double not only causes confusion but profound embarrassment.
The reason? Oldfield's particular twin, working under the stage-name of "Mike Oldfield" earns a crust by starring in a nifty series of X-rated skinflicks.
In a movie entitled "Double Coincidence" (a Pentagram Production), Oldfield's analogue plays a dedicated pianist who is lured from the keyboard of his upright by the gyrations of a girl named Sue.
According to the explicit synopsis: "Sue is dancing around the room in time to the music. We discover that she has nothing on underneath the dress. The front falls open and Mick (Mike Oldfield) is no longer interested in playing the piano. As he stops playing the music stops also (logical-Ed), teh silence that follows is ear-shattering. Sue pulls off his shirt and he opens her dress, commencing her seduction by sucking her breasts. Very soon they are both naked apart from Sue's boots which she refuses to take off."
Before you dirty little swines start thinking that this is the hero of "Hergest Ridge" getting his end away, be warned!
Virgin boss Richard Branson categorically denies that Mike Oldfield (Boy Genius Composer and Electronic Whizkid) and Mike Oldfield (cine-stud) are one and the same.
"I saw these photographs two years ago," states Branson, "and they have caused many problems and upset both Mike and his parents. You know Mike, it's hard enough to get him in front of a camera for an interview...If it had been him we'd have had a good laugh, but it isn't. It's just a freak coincidence."
It's bad enough bootlegging records, but bootlegging the artist's body is just not on.